Old Guilts

[Casey]

Casey got a cab for both her and Cadence and Cadence gave the driver an address. Casey was quiet as they rode, and Cadence seemed to be okay with that. Guilt always welled up within her at the thought of the power. It was an old guilt that really had no reason to exist anymore. She had been told constantly growing up that witches were evil. Hell, she hadn't even been allowed to celebrate Halloween as a kid. It seemed like everything in her childhood had made her feel guilty. 

Some of those guilts she had dealt with.  She no longer felt guilty about her attractions towards people. Sex was fine too most of the time, but this one. She had just never dealt with this one. Maybe with some training this one would dissipate. Casey looked out as the cab drove through the city and they entered the Red Light District. Casey looked back over at Cadence.  Cadence met her gaze and just smiled. This seemed an odd place to go, and she was surprised Cadence would have even gone there.

The cab pulled up outside of a building. It looked to be some sort of a club. The cabbie was paid and the women went to an employee entrance and Cadence entered a code on a keypad next to the door. The questions were building, but Casey remained silent as she followed Cadence into the building. They arrived at a lounge. Plush chairs decorated the room. The place reminded her of a strip club, but it seemed more...classy...than that. A strip club would certainly make sense in the Red Light District at least. 

They weren't alone in the room. Some faces turned as the pair entered, and Cadence noted that some of them were kids. Kids? At a strip club?Casey stopped, uncertain of what was going on. 

"This is Kallisti House of Burlesque," Cadence informed her. "And here we might be able to figure you out."

Cadence turned and Casey looked around, trying to put pieces together. "Everyone, this is my friend and bassist, Casey. I just learned that she can do what we can do, but she's struggling to touch her power. I was hoping we could help her."

Casey didn't speak. She was still trying to put pieces together. Of course the drama was on purpose. She had that sort of relationship with Cadence. Finally Casey looked at Cadence and gave her a smile before turning to the crowd. "Ummm...hi everyone."

[Legione Sumus]

Juliana Nazarova (Moon Pyre)

It wasn't a surprise to see Cadence. She was a known figure around here now. Her friend, everyone sorta knew from stage presence, but still seeing yet another channeler so close was a shock even knowing that it was everywhere. Their little circle here at Kallisti was growing, and Nox was always pulling in more people with his very existence. And that hadn't changed even when he lost his ability to channel, but everyone was more at ease around the place now that the Head of Security was back to full power. He was around somewhere, checking the wards. Not that they hadn't been maintaining them while he was down, it was just his thing. He was paranoid -- and protective of his little family.

Juls smiled at Casey. "Welcome, Casey." she stepped closer and leaned in to whisper. "What is your struggle? We want to figure it out before Nox asks cause he'll just start throwing fireballs at you." It was a joke, but not really. He did and would most certainly open with a none threatening fireball if it were a guy who came looking for help. It was his go to move to scare someone into using their power willingly, nothing like my life is in danger to spark that ability.

[Casey]

A woman approached. Everyone seemed welcoming enough. Cadence introduced people. This woman was named Juls. Casey’s eyes widened at her statement. ”Cade, you didn’t say anything about fireballs being thrown at me.” Cadence shrugged. Looks like she didn’t know about it either.

Casey sighed, running a hand through her hair. Well if that’s what it took. Maybe it wouldn’t come to that. ”Well, I’m not getting sick anymore, but anytime I try to use it, I’m just not able to use it. I don’t know why.” she told Juls.

”When I first learned, I couldn’t use it unless I felt guilty. I don’t if anyone else had any experiences like that,” Cadence said.

That was a possibility. Casey felt guilty eventually though she shouldn’t, so she tried to find her power. Once again it was unsuccessful. Casey sat down and sighed. ”Well, it’s not that.”

Cadence sat down next to her. ”You have no reason to feel guilty.”

Casey nodded. ”I know Cade,” she turned to look at Juls, offering an explanation. ”Grew up in a Christian home in which the whole witchcraft thing is very much frowned upon. I’ll be fine - just dealing with old guilts.” she sighed again. ”You think it’s something like that. I have to be doing or feeling something else to use it?”

[Nox]

Nox walked into the back stage area where the girls were gathered. He caught the tail end of a sentence that sounded like all the others he had heard. 'i can't touch the power, help me' was the basic issue. "Blocks are a bitch. But it's not always about feelings sometimes it's physical too. I had to hold my sister's hand in order to touch my power when I first learned. I've seen afraid, embarrassed. Some people like Ilesha have to hum. I knew someone who had to pray. Some need to be calm."[\color]

Nox went over and introduced himself. He was wearing normal clothes unlike when he first met Cadence. [color=#0072bb]"I'm Nox. And I won't throw fireballs at you no matter what you may have heard." He offered his hand. While giving Juls a look that said he knew what she said about him.  He threw fireballs at only one person. It hadn't gone well. But he still believed it was a good way to learn.

[Casey]

Then a man showed up and introduced himself as Nox. ”Casey. Hi,” she said in polite introduction. So her affliction was a common one. She had a block. She had no idea why, and wasn’t really sure that mattered at this time. The problem was she didn’t know what it was or what to do about it. But she supposed that’s why Cadence had brought her here. Here they might be able to figure it out. Still Casey sighed in relief that fireballs would not be thrown at her today.

”So I’m blocked. How do we find out what’s blocking me?”” she paused. ”I guess maybe going through what was going on when I used magic…”she went through her memories. ”First time. I was 16 I think. A bully was beating up some poor kid. He went flying through the air. I thought I was a witch.” the guilt tried to take hold, but Casey ignored it. ”The second time was a homeless man. He was being harassed by someone. He ended up punching an invisible wall. The third time was a man - beating his wife of girlfriend. I saw it that time. A shield formed around her and he couldn’t touch her.” she paused, seeing the clear pattern. ”Each time someone needed help. They needed protection. And I…I just felt this need to do it. I remember that feeling so much. Almost like I didn’t have a choice. I had to do it. Does that make sense?” she chuckled. ”Im sorry - I ramble when I’m anxious. But do you think that’s it. That I have to be protecting someone to use it.”

[Nox]

Nox nodded as she told her story. Sounded like she just needed to talk it through. "Sounds right. It's one thing to know, another thing to break. That's why I sometimes result to throwing fireballs. You need to feel like you are protecting someone. But you also need to know how to embrace your power. The girls can help you with that. It's not the same for men. But the breaking is the same."

Juls rolled her eyes at him "it's like opening up to the sun. You need to let it in, embrace it. Feel the power."

"I promise I won't throw any fireballs. " Nox grinned.

[Casey]

Casey looked down at that. Knowing what it was didn't help her at all if she couldn't break it. She also had to learn how to embrace it. She sat quietly for a bit, feeling Cadence pulling a seat next to her. It wasn't about his last statement. She had a feeling fireballs would be thrown before this would be over - at least eventually - even if she hoped there would be another way.

"You okay?" Cadence asked.

Casey nodded. "Yeah, just thinking," she faced the other people in the room. "Seems like figuring out how to do this is going to be difficult, and could potentially hurt someone. I just don't want to hurt anyone."

Briefly she even thought that maybe she should just keep not ursing it, but deep down, she knew she really wanted to learn."Does figuring out how to do this - embrace the power and breaking the block mean that we're going to have to put some people in danger? I mean where do we go from here?"

She sighed and looked at Nox. "You're going to end up throwing fireballs at me eventually aren't you?"

[Nox]

Nox chuckled. "No water works too. And no this doesn't have to hurt anyone. The simplest thing to learn how to do is make a ball of light."

Nox quickly wove a ball of light after reaching into the power and through the slime that was the horde. It made annoyed and angry and the power almost slipped through his fingers. But it wasn't a new feeling and he certainly could control his power. "For me it took forgetting my entire existence to be able to do this at will. I don't recommend it. You need to find that one place you can go that makes you feel protective. Could be a memory or a new feeling you create. Juls can show you how to make a ball of light your way. I can't tell you."

Juls rolled her eyes at him. "It's really simple." She showed Casey very slowly how to weave the ball of light. Everyone at Kallisti knew this simple one, they used it all the time. Beats a flashlight and it could be manipulated so easily during a show. "But first you have to embrace the power. Go ahead and try. Nox can go away if he makes you nervous."

Nox stuck his tongue out at her. "I'm not that scarey."

Juls shook her head. "You can be scarier than you know."

She wasn't wrong. Though the horde wasn't eating away at him like it had been. There had to be a reason, and he'd figure it out eventually but life just kept getting in the way.

[Casey]

Casey listened and the relationship between Juls and Nox lightened the tension a bit. Right now, he didn’t seem so scary, but she still felt a bit of fear within. She didn’t know if this was because what she was, if she was afraid of the power, failure, or if those old guilts were manifesting in a different way.

Juls made a ball of light and she could see it. Not just the light, but how it was made and how different threads of power wove together to form it. Her eyes gleamed in the light. Juls told her she had to embrace the power first. That was the first step.

”Okay…” she said, her voice trembling as she stood.

Casey closed her eyes. She probably didn’t need to, but it helped her focus a little bit she let out a few breaths, unsuccessfully trying to calm her nerves. She looked inside - where she had found that pool of power before. It was there - bright and shining. So strange and so familiar.  Casey reached for it, and it slipped through her fingers. She tried again with similar results. Casey kept trying, and each time she felt like she was grabbing water. She just couldn’t. She began to get a little frustrated. Her hands closed into fists and tension began to stiffen her posture.

”So fucking close,” she said, her voice trembling. That’s when she saw the kids again and turned beet red. ”Sorry.”

”Casey…” Cadence there, touching her hand. ”I think you’re trying too hard. Remember what Juls said?”

Casey thought back. ”Like opening up to the sun,” she replied.

Cadence said one word. ”Surrender.”

Casey nodded. ”Okay…surrender. I can do that… her voice got really quiet. ”I think.”

Casey closed her eyes again, once again finding that bright light inside. It  was easier this time as if she already knew where to look for it. This time instead of visualizing herself grabbing the power, she thought of just dipping her hand in it. She could feel it then - a moving current that wanted to take her with it. She felt herself become of afraid. Her breath quickened. She pulled back.

It was Juls words that came to her first. Open up. Then Cadence’s. Surrender. Open up. Surrender. The words echoed within her. So Casey saw herself instead walking into that power. The current surrounded her, begging her to come with. She let go.

Her fear vanished. Overwhelming peace surrounded her. She understood then what Juls had meant by opening up to the sun. She opened her eyes then and looked around. Everything looked brighter. The smell of perfume was stronger in her nostrils. She hadn’t realized it, but she had hugged herself as she had tried to embrace the power. She could feel the fibers of her shirt.

Casey turned, looking around the room. The colors were more vibrant. She felt her breath hitch and hot tears began to fall. ”Everything…everything looks so beautiful.” she wasn’t sure if the tears were because of beauty or just overwhelmed senses, but she knew it wasn’t sadness or fear. She felt powerful. She didn’t want to let it go.