Need My Fix

[Tatyana]

She once again followed Hayden in the cold. This time she looked up as he led her to a large building that looked more like a business than a residence. Nox must be fucking rich. Why else would anyone live in a building this big. Unless it was a big family. Maybe it was. Apparent his ex lived here. That didn’t make sense. This Nox guy, if he was the nice guy they kept on saying he was, was fucking weird.

The emotions were beginning to dull. The pill hasn’t taken full effect yet, but her insides weren’t hurting so much anymore. She could feel her mind beginning to relax. It was nice not having to feel. For a moment she just looked at the building. Hayden was offering to show her inside. She wondered why. Maybe to make her feel comfortable. Maybe to make her feel welcome. She wasn’t sure either would work.

”I guess,” she said, her voice softer and slower. ”Just show me it all?” she was mostly playing along. She wasn’t lying when she said she’d be uncomfortable no matter where it was she met him.

[Hayden]

Hayden showed Tanya into the building. "Downstairs is the dojo." The lobby area they were in was non-descript with a few doors and mail boxes and an elevator with an 'out of order' sign on it. The elevator wasn't out of order but it didn't work. Nox had made sure Sky deactivated the access unless someone really needed to use it. Handicapped or moving furniture type deals.

Hayden went around the back side of the elevator. "Sky this Tanya, she's gonna be around a little bit learning to break her block. She's on Nox's schedule later this week, make sure she has access."

"Done. I'll grant access when she arrives." The electronic lock clicked and Hayden went down stairs to the dojo. There was a couch against one wall, and a weight set in the corner with a boxing bag. But it was the mat that drew most people's attention with the baseball and tenis ball machines pointed at the middle of the mat. Nox's favorite way to practice using his gift.

There was a door with a bathroom and gym style showers. And the laundry room across from that. And a simple bedroom that is less likely to be destroyed. "This is probably where you'll spend most of your time."

Hayden headed back up the stairs to the lobby and around to the front door, the electronic latching click again. Elyse might be home, Ashton and Mara too, but the kids were all at school or the club by now. Liv was at work too with Ana. "This is the common living space." Hayden took his coat off and hung it up on the coat rack, and set Lily down on the couch. "Kitchen, Living room. The other place you might find Nox." Hayden sat down on the couch and unfurled Lily from cold gear. "I can get you a drink if you like. Some hot cocco or something to keep you warm before you head out."

[Tatyana]

Tatyana followed Hayden downstairs to the dojo. Her eyes went to the boxing bag and mostly stayed there. The drug still hadn’t quite taken effect. She had been trying, but throughout the day she had been thinking of her dad. She often did when she was sober. It was worse during the holidays. It had been the reason she had been drinking the night she ran across Hayden and Ashton. Tatyana could almost see herself at that bag with him as he taught her how to punch. The memory should have brought a smile. It only brought the pain of loss.

She then followed him up the stairs to the living area. She didn’t look around here. Her eyes immediately locked on to the Christmas tree. Hayden asked if she wanted a cocoa. She silently shook her head no, but felt her breath hitch as hot tears began to fall. The tree had presents underneath it. Growing up her tree hadn’t had so many. But there had only been two of them. Tatyana’s hand went to her pocket and she felt the cool metal of the ring there. It’s wasn’t really that special. Just an unadorned silver ring. But it had been her last Christmas present. It had been from the only one who ever cared.

Tatyana cursed herself for not taking her pill sooner. Hayden was going to see her cry now. She hadn’t been fast enough to dull the pain and the memories came up. Sh turned around and, worried she wouldn’t make it down the stairs in her state, sat on a step about halfway down the flight. She rested her head on her knees and began to sob.

[Nox]

Nox was finishing his run and daily routine in the cold Moscow air. It was nice to have a mostly normal day. Though when he started up the stairs he didn't expect to see a strange woman in his house. She was crying with her head on her knees. "You okay?"

He wondered whose friend she was and why she was here, but first he had to figure out what happened.

[Tatyana]

Tatyana heard the footsteps of someone ascending the stairs. An unfamiliar voice asked if she was okay. What kind of fucking question was that? Did she look okay? She wanted to shout at him and tell him she wasn’t, but she held her tongue, shaking her head no without saying a word.

She didn’t know the voice and part of her wondered if this was the man they all seemed to worship. The man who took in torturous children and ex-girlfriends. The man who according to Hayden had a one-night stand with a woman and then helped her sister. The man who helped even those he hated.

Tatyana knew what would come next. “Do you want to talk about it?” Or “How can I help?” Words she didn’t want to hear. She was sure she was going to hear them anyway, but she tried at least to stop them. ”Meds will kick in soon then I’ll be fine. Won’t feel anything anymore.” it was an admission to her drug use and would probably make him go more white knight. She didn’t want a white knight.

[Nox]

Nox nodded. Didn't explain much but it wasn't an unusual thing in the Red Light District. "Not sick I assume."

Nox sat down a few stairs in front of her and faced the ground floor. "You'd think feeling nothing would be great." Nox mused. "Not feeling the pain and sadness. Not feeling the guilt or fear." It had been glorious really. "But the one thing that you miss is the quiet first smile of your baby. The kiss of the man you love. You don't get to feel the good things either."

Nox looked back up the stairs at the strange woman crying on his front steps. "Ultimately it's about what's more important. For me, the good things out weighed the bad things I didn't want to feel. It's horrible going through those things again. It's hard as fuck, but it's worth it to feel that little smile when that little girl smiles at me or when I get a hug from very truama ridden kids. It's all worth the pain."

Nox stood up and smiled. "I need to eat, you hungry?"

[Tatyana]

Tatyana dint look up as he spoke, even if she listened through the sobs. The things he did might be true, but he forgot something that didn’t apply to him that did apply to her. He had things to look forward to. She did not.

She was sure this man was Nox. Their paragon of virtue. He certainly spoke well enough. It didn’t mean he wasn’t hiding things from her. It didn’t mean he cared. She sobbed a few more tears then wiped her eyes and turned them to this man.

”No baby. No man I love to kiss. There are no good things to feel anymore,” her breath hitched as she spoke a gathered her breath. ”The only good thing in my life is gone. And it’s never coming back.

She didn’t answer his question about food. She didn’t really care to eat right now. A strange thing as she never turned down food. She usually would be up in a moment, but for now she sat and stared at him, doubting he would truly understand. No one did.

[Nox]

Nox chuckled. "Then sounds like you need to start looking for something to get up in the morning for other than the numbness."

He waved as he stepped around her "Come on, eat. At least you can look forward to a good hot cooked meal."

Nox didn't expect to see Hayden with Lily on his knee. He guessed that meant he wanted to talk. Hayden had been avoiding him since he'd been healed.

"Liam was trying to study and I was in the neighborhood." Nox nodded as Hayden spoke. They'd talk. He wasn't exactly angry with him. But there were things that they needed to say.

"Hungry?"

Hayden grinned. "If you are cooking always."

Nox knew the answer so he prepared food for three. It wasn't breakfast and it wasn't lunch but it was going to be warm and healthy and not steak. He missed a good steak but it was nice that he didn't need to eat them all the time to stave off the horde.

[Tatyana]

Something to get up for. What did she have. She had nothing. What did he want her to do with that? He walked around her upstairs, offering food again. If it wasn’t for her code to not turn down food she would have left. She hated how much she felt he had drawn her into his web like a spider.

She finally stood up and walked up quietly, her arms wrapped around her abdomen. Her eyes were still red from crying, but her meds had started to work. The feelings inside were going away. She arrived back in the living area. She moved quickly giving the tree a wide berth. Hayden still held the baby. She hadn’t heard what they had said to each other. She found an unobtrusive corner to sit down in quietly. She hadn’t heard been invited. She still wasn’t sure she was wanted.

[Nox]

Nox fixed food and ignored Hayden bouncing Lily on his leg and chatting with her like she was fully listening to him. It was cute and it was the reason he was avoiding looking that direction instead he focused on the girl he didn't know her name. "Loss is hard. Losing my mom was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. Then a year later I lost my father, and two years after that my twin sister. I had nothing until I found Kallisti. I even lost my best friend before I found my true family. You can't ever bring them back, or replace them, but you can find new ones."

Nox tossed the egg fritata and roasting vegetables into the oven and leaned back against the back counter. "What brought you to my home?" He glanced over at Hayden. "I assume you are the woman Ashton and Hayden mades friends with. I'm Nox." He introduced himself.