Convincing Confessions?

[Nox]

Nox gave Raffe a small smile when he reminded Raffe of Jay's notification tone. But the smile was short lived. "It's not ..." Nox didn't really know how to explain Jay to Raffe, but he definitely didn't spark the fireworks the tone implied in a way that ... Even Nox's own mind was rolling. "It's a 4th of July thing -- a blast from my past -- American traditions..." It had been why he chose it at the time. Now he wondered if there was more to it... Doubt crept in.

Raffe's word pulled Nox from his own inward thoughts. He blinked at Raffe in shock at first trying to find the connections. A story -- a horrible story. But what Nox felt was relief more than anything, it was sharing. The worst parts of their life but still sharing. Nox reached his hand and placed it on Raffe's knee. He needed to reassure Raffe. And he needed it himself. He never thought he'd be a touchy feely guy but then again he never thought he'd be in love, or in love with a guy. Or maybe he had. He was a royal ass to women. But he was wandering.

Raffe was his attention. Nox squeezed his leg when Raffe confided in the darkness. Nox didn't have any good news to share. "Of course it's going to change you. Everything changes us. You changed me. But you now have this power inside of you, and it's violent and it's dark, but it doesn't make it evil. You have overcome a lot of darkness in your life. This is no different. It's going to be hard. But it's what you do with it that's going to matter."

Nox sighed. "The Atharim teach that the gods used the power to be worshiped by men. But even in all those stories, there were people like us -- the ones who wanted to do good. They joined forces with the Atharim and they fought the gods. And they were stronger than I am. When the war was over, and the last of the gods slain they ended their own life. It is what I should have done, after I killed my own sister. They thought they were doing the right thing. It's all anyone can do. I don't believe for a single second that you would ever use the power to hurt someone -- even in anger. Yes you once did. Yes the temptation will always be there to use it for personal gain." Nox laughed, "Isn't the old comic book adage -- with great power comes great responsibility?"

[Raffe]

He hadn’t meant fireworks like that; in fact the nature of their relationship hadn’t actually occurred to him, though he supposed he had an answer now, if he’d ever thought to ask the question.

Nox’s reassurance was a surprisingly solid thing, foundations that didn’t threaten to sink with the weight of doubt. Raffe hadn’t really realised how much he’d needed to hear it. Usually it was him dishing out the wisdom and comfort to others, or just being the listening ear. He scrubbed a hand over his head, but the lines between his brow had eased. The fears didn’t go. Scars ran too deep for that. But they were subdued, and he felt better for having had the conversation he had admittedly been avoiding. And for sharing about his parents. Not that it had ever been a secret, but neither was it something he chose to speak about with others. Even Carmen.

Talk of the Atharim and their beliefs widened his eyes a little, though he tried not to dwell on it. He understood fear of the power, and what it could do -- hell, even what it felt like. But the thought that they would have expected Nox to kill himself (let alone his family too) made him feel sick to his stomach. It made him realise how much Nox must have lost when he'd discovered he was a channeler. His hand pressed against the one on his knee.

“Did you just Uncle Ben me?” He half grinned. He hadn’t entirely forgotten about the growl of Nox’s stomach, but he was thinking about the things he had said more. Well, one thing in particular. The smile was hard-pressed to dim after that, whatever darkness waited in the future, or how difficult it was going to be to wrestle with this new power, or what might happen with the horde in Nox’s head. Considering which, he tried not to lean in, or spend too much time looking at lips or bare flesh in the soft shadows. “So, uh. Food. This dojo place. Anything else for today’s itinerary? Or tomorrow’s maybe … what time is it anyway?” 

[Nox]

Nox wasn't sure of Raffe's reaction to his stammering about Jay. But he said nothing so Nox would let it lie. There was nothing to worry about -- but he'd also thought the same thing with Elyse. Except he had already sorta cheated on Elyse before Jay with Kali. He was a dick. Nox was aware of his faults and with Raffe he strove to be different.

They shared a great deal in a very short amount of time. Serious and heart felt and completely open about it all. Nox took comfort in Raffe's hand, and wanted to run his other along his cheek but sadly that wasn't possible and the new arm felt like an encumbrance more than a helpful tool. He still had a lot to learn.

He had most certainly Uncle Ben'd Raffe. It made Nox snicker. He wasn't a big fan of comic books, but Aria had been -- specially the decades old classic movies. Her time spent in the archives. His father had grown up with them too, so the few sayings were things he remembered -- that was one of them. One his father had used on him many times though not in the same regards.

Raffe changed the subject and Nox smiled at Raffe with hunger filled eyes. His question left a lot open. The second one Nox had no clue about. "I don't know what time it is. Still very early it's dark." Nox nodded towards the small window that the lotus sat under. "I can think of a few things we could do." Nox licked his lips and let his eyes wander the man in front of him. But his stomach disagreed with which appetite to feed with a loud rumble.

Nox laughed. "I think we've been veto'd." Nox grabbed the new arm and clumbsily attached it. He didn't like the way it sucked to his arm. There had to be better ways to do this -- things he would explore later, but for now it all worked well enough. And it only cost him his loyalty -- which was something he could give as he had none other professional ones to give. "Food first. The rest we can debate. Let me buy you breakfast?" Nox said as he pulled on his jeans. It wasn't quite so easy as he expected, but he did it without help and that made him smile even more brightly -- not that he minded Raffe's help. He liked Raffe helping him, but he'd never been one to rely on someone else for much.

[[ We don't have to go through breakfast -- can jump in with Li and Nhysa in the 'morning' ]]

[Raffe]

The way Nox licked his lips didn't make it easy. Raffe's gaze lingered. It would be so effortless to lean in. His skin was still warm from sleep, and whether it was late or early the shadows still lingered alongside the temptation to sink into them. Their time in the mansion hadn't been hurried, but it had still been a stranger's house. Now the atmosphere had dispelled, and more than that, had coalesced into something that made Raffe feel like he was glowing, it was very difficult to ignore that he was sitting in Nox's bed.

He stood when Nox began to dress -- he'd grab his t-shirt when they left, since they'd have to pass his own door to get to the stairs. In the meantime he ran his finger along the lotus's broad leaves, and tried not to watch. It'd be too easy to offer to help, and too easy to become quickly distracted. Which he didn't mind, but not when he knew Nox would be worried about the unnatural hungers the darkness brought with it.

"Food first." His lips quirked a smile, a little teasing emphasis on the second word. When Nox straightened, he ruffled fingers through his dark hair, flattening the tufts from slumber. The victorious smile made his chest flutter and he grinned back, then succumbed to the temptation to kiss that smile softly. The last few days had been shitty. The world changed in bad ways, and good. He pulled back before he fell too deep. "You can buy me breakfast," he agreed.

[Nox]

Life felt better. Life was better with Raffe. His. Of things that might happen later in his life, in that day, the next hour. But right now he was happy. Telling Raffe was a step in the right direction.

Breakfast was at a little diner close to Kallisti. Nox had found it on one of his early walk-throughs of the Red Light District. It probably wasn’t new to Raffe or the girls, but Nox had never eaten there and he was more than happy to share a meal with Raffe anywhere.

The kiss on their departure almost derailed Nox entirely, but his stomach hurt, his body dragged from the healing and the darkness was churning in the lust-filled environment of his head. Food first. It was a tease, but it was important and Raffe seemed to understand. And then there was the whole new arm thing. Nox ordered steak and eggs and a veggie filled omelet. It seemed like a lot at first, but his body was yelling for food. He wasn’t shy about his appetite. It could be worse.

The waitress brought their drinks. Nox picked up the coffee cup with his left hand, the handle shattered in his grasp. Nox frowned, but otherwise let it go. Just a demonstration of why Nox needed to train. He needed to relearn everything.

There was lots of flirting, filling slow moments while they ate. Nox enjoyed the little things. The way Raffe smiled, his bright eyes, the unconscious gestures — rubbing his scar, or his fingers through his hair. Nox didn’t want breakfast to end. But it did, and both plates were empty when the sun was on the horizon.

Still several hours before the dojo opened. ”The dojo has several hours before it opens, have anything in mind to kill the time?” Nox could think of many things to do, some of which were more intimate than others, but all of them required Raffe’s presence.

[Raffe]

Breakfast was a hint of normality he’d needed greatly, soothing the worry that life had changed irrevocably from what it had been. Not that it hadn’t changed; it had, but not beyond recognition -- and not, he realised now, to something that excluded the simple things that made him happy. There were times in his life Raffe folded in on himself and his feelings, as he had indeed the previous day spent smoking and brooding alone, but he found it all washed clean now. He didn’t worry about the dojo, though there was still some discomfort at the thought of trying to seize out into that dark vortex of power again. Nor did he linger on any of the future’s uncertainties.

Given the time the diner was quiet, that strange grey hour where most of the world was still sleeping and life seemed like a self contained bubble. For Raffe it held everything that mattered right now. They spoke about everything and nothing, and it felt as easy and natural as breathing. He grinned and laughed and teased. Lingered in the captivation of flirtatious glances and all those accidental moments that made his heart beat hard.

By the time they were done the sun was up, and it seemed to have slipped away far too quickly.

Raffe chuckled at the question, but raised his brows. “Surprise me?”

[Nox]

Surprise me... Nox grinned. That could go so many ways. So so many ways. The smile it envoked spread across his lips and Nox really had no idea where to begin.

Nox left cash on the table to cover the bill and their tip. He had offered to buy Raffe breakfast. It felt good being able to do that. But it wasn't always the case. Nox offered Raffe his good hand and they walked for a while. Nox didn't have any destination in mind, but he wasn't exactly sure what they could do in the wee hours of the morning. There were of course activities Nox could take Raffe home for. And as much as that idea was attractive, Nox's own worry creased his forehead. He wanted to touch Raffe -- all of him -- with two hands. And that wasn't presently possible, Nox had a lot to learn yet.

"You up for some walking?"

With Raffe's agreement they walked towards the dojo but in no specific pattern or with no real destination in mind. Nox headed towards the river. The Red light district wasn't romantic, but it was home, and Nox felt more at home here than he ever had at Dorian's, funny how things like that happened.

The buildings changed from their red light signs to proper businesses the further they walked. The river air was cooler. The conversations were good. The flirting more than he could have hoped for. The sound of puppies yipping in a nearby shop made Nox turn and sigh. "I'm going to miss Nova." He'd been a constant companion. And he'd been his last living tie to Aurora. The whole thing made him sad. Coming to Moscow had been the downfall of everything he knew, but Nox wouldn't change it for anything.

[Raffe]

They wandered. Moscow was a city that never really slept, the red light district in particular, but some hours were quieter than others. The neon lights and lurid holoscreens eventually faded to shop fronts. When Nox paused, it was a moment before Raffe realised why. Sadness tugged. Nova had meant more than just a dog, Raffe knew, and the loss was still raw. The memory of Nox’s tears was like a vise around his chest, tugging a frown to his brow. He let go of his hand to slip it around his waist instead. 

It seemed cruel to leave animals in a window like that, and he could not help but think of the orphanage. Some kids got homes. Most fell the whole way through the system, though, like Raffe himself.

“We weren’t allowed pets growing up,” he said. Even when his life became his own again, he’d bounced between jobs and apartments enough that it had never been a consideration. It was one of the reasons he kept plants, which were easy enough to tuck under an arm and didn’t chew a friend’s couch during the long hours of a nightshift.

“Nothing will ever replace him. But we could look if you wanted, when you’re ready.” He tugged his hand through his hair, grinned. “Carmen might kill you, but I’m sure I could talk her round.”

[Nox]

Nox stopped walking when Raffe slid his hand around his waist. The comfort of loss and memories made Nox shiver. Raffe's confession echoed his own childhood. "We weren't allowed pets either. Living in the back seat of a Jeep left little room for family pets, much less us kids." Until recently Nox had never really thought about his childhood -- good or bad, nice or horrible. It was how it had been, he knew it hadn't been normal, but it was all he knew. His mother took the role of teacher in the normal things and their father taught them all the Atharim things. Everything was a learning experience.

Raffe's offer of fending off Carmen for saving another pup was sweet. Nox reached for Raffe with his new arm, pulling him closer and holding him there. His good hand raised to touch his cheek, "You'd suffer Carmen's wrathe for me?" Nox really wasn't worried about Carmen, and he had no intention of actually getting another pet. "I didn't want a dog. My sister was the one with the soft heart, the one who took Nova in, but she was taken that day, and strangled by her lover then buried without ceremony in the middle of no where. The home we'd built together blew up the day she we went to confront the man who'd done it. I found Nova smoke and ash covered and I couldn't leave him. Aurora would have been pissed. Nova became my only family. I have you and the girls now, maybe one day if I ever have a place of my own." Nox wouldn't even know what to do with something to call his own. He'd never had something so simple. "But thank you for the offer." Nox smirked before he leaned in and kissed Raffe softly, the darkness threatened to push forward, one hunger sated, the others wanting to rise, but Nox stood his ground and let Raffe guide the kiss. He would not be slave to the impulses that were not his own, not that he didn't want more. But not because the darkness said so.

[Raffe]

“Of course I would.” He grinned. “Though before you flatter yourself too much, we both know no one can resist this smile, not even Carmen.”

He let himself be pulled closer, listening to the story quietly. The loss ached his chest, though he did not know what to say to it. His cheek pressed into Nox’s hand, brows knit with the understanding of losing someone like that. Raffe off all people knew the cost of such casual violence. They’d both been the ones left behind.

The kiss was soft, and he leaned into it slow, savouring its taste. One hand reached to the back of Nox’s neck. Feeling stirred, twined deep with desire. He let it wash over him before he pulled free, though not away.

“I wish I could have met her,” he said. It was a heartfelt sentiment. Nox spoke about Aurora often enough, though Raffe had not known the whole story of her death until now.