Combing the Grid

[Connor Kent]

Connor looked at Jensen pleadingly. The man looked away, as if ashamed. Then he said, "I don't have an answer for you. If I could trade fates with your son, I would do so in a heart beat.
" He meant it, Connor knew.

But his face dropped. He had part of the answer. But the core question still ate at him. Yes, they had done the right thing. He felt great relief for that. But....Hayden was still dead. Still gone. He died of a sickness that Jensen had suffered from, a sickness Aria knew some thing about, judging by her question about 'weird' occurences before-hand. They were being honest...but only by answering direct questions. For every answer they gave, they hinted at more.

He looked at both of them, pleadingly. He was so close. He had to know. "Damn it!
" he said in desperation. He was so close to...something, tonight. Close. "You both know something. You know about this. I have to know! Please, just tell me what you know....please!... What was the sickness? Why was Hayden in danger?
" In desperation he brought his clenched fist to his forehead, eyes closed tightly. Quietly he said, "Please. I was his father. I have to know.
"


Edited by Connor Kent, Apr 7 2014, 08:36 AM.

[Aria]

Aria sighed. She didn't want to say more than she had, but if he was anything like her savior had been, he would unlikely stop at his inquiries. It was better to skirt the truth than to have him continue looking into these things. It could land him on the wrong side of things and from the way things had played out earlier, Connor was a good man.

The sun was starting to come up. How long had she been out. The sun was starting it's peak above the horizon and Aria knew that the world was about to wake up. Aria did not want to be here when it did.

With a deep breath Aria started, "Your son, was granted a gift. A gift he did not learn how to use as Giovanni and Jensen clearly have. The sickness is related to that untrained gift. I can't say why, nor do I know. Maybe the others could help you."
Aria only paused momentarily, but she knew if she stopped she would be bombarded with questions. "Here in the CCD, the government studies those with the sickness. I'm sure in the United States, it's probably the same in some cases. If the government doesn't find you, we do and we don't study you. Your life is terminated then there and as quick as possible before you become a threat. Or that's how it's supposed to work."


Aria sighed. She knew she'd given him too much information, but if she didn't tell him, someone else could kill him just for asking. Aria broke so many protocols already, what was one more? "You should stop asking, before your life is ended too. Others don't take to kindly to interference."


Edited by Aria, Apr 7 2014, 12:14 PM.

[Jensen James]

Jensen cringed with Connor's curse. He understood the man's frustration, and guilt welled up within him to know there was nothing more he could offer. He'd said all he knew to say. Thankfully, Aria replied in his stead.

Jensen was as rapt a listener as Connor, but describing their world as a gift made him look away. To go from thinking himself cursed to blessed in the matter of days split his logic in two. One individual, or glancing at Giovanni, perhaps two, and with Tony, three, could be turned into something that made sense, but the Sickness was an epidemic around the world. Thousands or more were stricken these past few years. All from the same thing. All the same as Jensen and Giovanni and Tony and Jon. The sum of all these people were not warriors for an army of light, they were random people standing atop the bodies of those that didn't make it. Like Connor's son.

This fracture in his logic seemed hairline, but he couldn't simply ignore it. Although seemingly inconsequential an epiphany, meaninglessness and randomness implied chaos in the absence of a creator, no divine plan, no future.

But the angel? That had been real, as real as they were gathered in the room together.

Elbows digging on the counter, he put his face in his hands and swallowed the darkness afforded by his palms. He wanted to shut them all out, and go back to the way things were. Instead, his throat drank a deep, hot breath and he rubbed his eyes.

Aria's final piece of advice skimmed the surface of his consciousness. "It's because we can do things isn't it?"
Jensen asked quietly. He looked to Giovanni for confirmation. "I can barely control what it is I do. In the hands of the wrong person, they could wreck havoc on civilization as we know it."
He covered his mouth with a palm, seemingly in disbelief. It made sense in a terrible sort of way. Policing regular people was a daunting enough task. Policing someone who can churn a hurricane with their mind would be impossible. "So who are you that you know more about us than we do ourselves?"


Jensen was sure he didn't want to know the answer, but he was going to make himself listen one way or another.

[Connor Kent]

The room was quiet and his question hung in the air. It had stopped raining some time ago and Connor noticed the sky starting to lighten. The events tonight had already slid into yesterday. It seemed like a dream. He realized how tired he was. Maybe none of this is real. But no. He refused to belief that. Finally he was at the end of his search, his quest to understand this universe, to understand why his son had died. He wouldn't hide from the truth.

Jensen, Giovanni, and Aria hadn't answered right away. Or maybe now that the question was out, time seemed to have slowed. But Aria's demeanor changed, as if she had come to some internal decision. And then she spoke. "Your son, was granted a gift. A gift he did not learn how to use as Giovanni and Jensen clearly have. The sickness is related to that untrained gift. I can't say why, nor do I know. Maybe the others could help you.
" Aria paused for a moment.

Connor just sat there, stunned with that revelation that had finally come. His mind reacted to different parts of her statements in different ways. There was no order, no logic to it. Hayden had been given a gift, she called it. The same gift that these men had. The fall! He must have used it when he fell! But he was so young. Somehow, he didn't learn to control it. He died, overwhelmed by this gift, this power.

Connor felt his heartbreak for Hayden. My poor boy.You were already special. He looked up to the heavens. He didn't need it! We were happy as he was. He felt a deep sorrow that his son had died from being touched with some "gift".

He looked at Jensen and Giovanni and wondered what it was about them that let them survive. There didn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary. They seemed like decent men, but so was Hayden. It couldn't be that. Ahh my son, I wish you had lived a normal and happy life, had a wife who loved you, and had been the wonderful father I know you would have been. I wish we could have been better friends. I wanted to see who you were going to be. He felt like he was tearing something.

Aria continued, perhaps more hesitantly"Here in the CCD, the government studies those with the sickness. I'm sure in the United States, it's probably the same in some cases. If the government doesn't find you, we do and we don't study you. Your life is terminated then there and as quick as possible before you become a threat. Or that's how it's supposed to work.
"

Connor looked her in the eye, rage suddenly overwhelming him. Righteous fury poured through him. "Terminated? The governments would have stolen Hayden, to study him, but you...you would have terminated him immediately?!
" He was angry. "What gives you the right!? How dare you assume the right to kill my son!
" He stood there- When did I stand up?- breathing heavily, arms tight at his side, fists clenched. He was all the fathers of all those boys that this group had "terminated".

Jensen had been in the kitchen and made a sound. When Connor looked at him, his face was in his hands. He looked back at Aria and she looked pained. And then Jensen spoke, dousing cold water on Connor's heart. "It's because we can do things isn't it?" Jensen asked quietly. He looked at Giovanni as if for confirmation. "I can barely control what it is I do. In the hands of the wrong person, they could wreck havoc on civilization as we know it.
"

It made a perverse sense....But how could they know? You can't just kill someone because they have power. From everything he could tell, Jensen and Giovanni were good men. They had stayed behind to fight that mist creature. Giovanni had lent support to Jensen. Jensen had offered them a place to get warm, Aria a place to clean up. And Aria had tried to help them, to warn them. Connor looked at her again and he felt so much confusion. Such a complicated woman. She was so small, yet she had such a big job. Working alone, she hunted monsters that people had no inkling of. Dedicated- she was dedicated. What must her life have been to get to this point? Who were these people she was a part of?

Yet when it came down to it- dedication and oaths and whatever else she had taken to be part of it or not- she had shown compassion to all of them. She didn't terminated them. She had said "we" terminate them, but she hadn't. She'd shown compassion and kindness to them. And to him. She had given him the answers he'd sought. She had to have known how he would take it. But she did it anyway.

Nothing made sense anymore- except that things were far crazier than he even knew. He dropped back down to the seat. He didn't know what else to say. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Hayden, to him, to any of them.


Edited by Connor Kent, Apr 8 2014, 10:58 AM.

[Aria]

This conversation ran very close to the last one she'd had with the first man she met who could wield the power of the gods. He'd asked why do you hunt me? The answer was simple, it was the way it had always been. Fear of repeating the past made the Atharim cling to archaic methods and to the traditions of their forefathers.

But this one was different. Very much so, as Connor reacted to the cold hard facts with anger Aria reached for the gun that was not there. It was probably for the better it had not been at her hip. Aria felt the anger wash over her like a wave. She had to close her eyes to keep the pain from overwhelming her. This room was becoming too much, Aria longed for the concrete walls and the deep bath full of cold water to block the world from her head. But neither were going to happen anytime soon. Aria focused on the single flame she'd been taught. Everything fed into it until there was nothing. The trivial exercise took longer than it should. Aria's knew she was exhausted.

Aria opened her eyes and stared at Connor before answering and stood up. She was surprised she had not waivered. "We do not have the right.
Aria wanted to jab a finger in Connor's chest to bring home but point, but she did not, her hands stayed at her side. "But that doesn't stop them. They are dangerous. We are afraid of the past. The gods ripped apart the world. It is our duty to defend those who cannot defend themselves from those that wield the power of the gods.


Aria turned to Jensen, "We are the Atharim. It is our heritage, the remnant of the remnant to know and protect against the return of the gods. We protect the innocent."


The basic triad washed away all of Aria's strength, she sank to the chair. All emotion dropped for her voice, there was little left. "And yet here I am, letting not one, but two of you live. For the third time since I came to this God forsaken city."


The buzzer rang clearly through the still air. Aria mustered all her strength and retrieved her clothes from the dryer. She didn't bother to use the restroom, the small room was private enough to don her pants and shirt. She didn't want to return to the room they were in. She leaned against the warm dryer and sank to the ground. It was going to be very difficult to make it back to her place. Resting would be good.


Edited by Aria, Apr 8 2014, 12:34 PM.

[Jensen James]

Rightly so, Connor could not see the potential for devastation, only the loss of an innocent child. His anger was justified, and Jensen found himself ashamed for all those years yearning for a punishment for something out of his control. That path was lined with doubts he dare not address, and he quickly censored his own words.

Aria's explanation was a sufficient distraction. Who was afraid of the past? What were the gods that ripped apart the world? Jensen's brow furrowed confusion. Surely there was something he was misunderstanding.

The dryer buzzed the end of its cycle, and Aria left them alone. In the void of her absence, Jensen rounded the island, glancing at Giovanni as he did. How would the man take to being told he was being allowed to live by her mercies alone? In their fighting off the spirit, Jensen felt Giovanni's strength when he wielded the Gift, and it intimidated him.

"If I heard her right, she's letting two of us go? Us whom she called gods?"
He felt naïve, which was nothing new lately, but the look he shared with Connor verged on fear. The explanation to come had the potential to wreck his fragile world.

"What does that mean?"

[Connor Kent]

Aria had been listening to his words- his demands- and was very still, almost as if she had been bracing herself against his verbal blows. Now that he was sitting down, she seemed to gather herself. She stood up and looked at him with- he didn't know, anger, pain, defiance- whatever it was, she looked him in the eye and seemed to hurl his demand off her. "We do not have the right.
"

The open admission affected him. She didn't justify herself or the group she belonged to. She agreed with him. She went on, "But that doesn't stop them. They are dangerous. We are afraid of the past. The gods ripped apart the world. It is our duty to defend those who cannot defend themselves from those that wield the power of the gods.
"

Aria turned to Jensen, "We are the Atharim. It is our heritage, the remnant of the remnant to know and protect against the return of the gods. We protect the innocent.
" She sank to her chair and added weakly. "And yet here I am, letting not one, but two of you live. For the third time since I came to this God forsaken city.
"

He only vaguely heard those words. Stuff was going on all around him- a buzz, movement, Jensen saying something to Giovanni- but he only kept seeing Hayden's face. Hayden had been a good kid, never hurting anyone. He was going to be a good man. Power wasn't going to change that for him. And yet this group- not Aria, he accepted that. She had refused to participate- would have snuffed out his life like that.

For the first time, Connor felt powerfully glad that they had kept Hayden home. And now Aria and Giovanni's words truly hit home for him and he loved them for it. Hayden had died with his father and mother around him. He hadn't been taken, to be poked and prodded by strangers, alone and scared; nor to be put down quickly and quietly. He had died knowing he was loved. Those lucid moments he had where they had expressed their love for him, those cherished moments holding his son's hand, of watching him when he was asleep. They could have been taken from him. He could have missed out on that. Hayden's death was a meaningless senseless thing...but it could have been so much worse. He wanted to call Jaime, to tell her that she had saved him, that they had saved Hayden from so much. He needed to tell her, to give her peace.

As painful as those memories were, he could now see those moments differently. It was like the universe had changed in an instant. Given the choice to watch his son die like that- to bear that memory and pain with him for the rest of his life- or to have had Hayden taken from him in some suspicious accident....well he'd pay that price happily over and over. It was a sacrifice he'd make again and again, a gift he'd give his son always.

He felt deeply thankful for those moments, for that time together. He felt something break inside, the anger and resentment and guilt gave way to sadness. He missed his son so much. But it was mingled with gratitude, with appreciation. How could he feel appreciative to God or the universe or fate for giving him that time with his son, as painful as it was, when it had also given him that "gift"?

But emotions aren't logical. He put his head down and cried, deep quiet sobs from the depths of his heart, feeling the loss of his son, but also the appreciation for those moments. He cried and cried, feeling like he was purging himself. It seemed like hours, but could have been minutes- time had no meaning anymore to him. After a while, he quieted, the wash of emotion sort of drifting away. He felt a sense of peace, of quiet. He missed his son. He always would. His son would always be a missing part of his life. But he had been given so much to hold on to, so many memories, knowing he had made a difference to him, that he hadn't failed his son. The absurdity of it all, to view it as a gift. But it was a gift nonetheless. It was a way to live with himself.

Somehow, he felt like he could live again. A part of him felt a stab of guilt at that. But the peace he had felt drifted in again, letting him know it was ok. It was ok to feel those things- the anger and guilt and sorrow. They were feelings and he owned them, even when they were momentary. But the underlying peace would be there too.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, seeing only blurry shapes at first. He wiped his eyes and said "I'm sorry. It's been such a night.
" And then he fell silent, just looking at everyone. For the first time, he felt at peace.


Edited by Connor Kent, Apr 8 2014, 07:36 PM.

[Jensen James]

In the midst of conversation, Jensen heard the first groan of emotion. When he looked to the man alongside, Connor's initial break quickly deteriorated into full mourning. Jensen's heart broke for the man. He was powerless to offer comfort. He couldn't explain what had happened. He was quite literally helpless, although providing help was the one thing he wished he could give.

He put his arm around Connor, and stroked the man's back wordlessly. There was little he could say that would ease his grief, but he did find himself muttering prayer. Jensen consoled many a grieving parishioner in the past, but the words felt empty as he said them. His mind could never quite splinter the doubts planted by Aria.

Connor took a deep breath, and Jensen found himself relieved. "You need not apologize for grief, Connor."
Jensen sought out the man's eye, his own weighted with his past. "We all have losses to grieve. Yours is still hot, and rightly so."

[Giovanni Cavelli]

Grief. It was something Giovanni had not felt for a long time. Did he ever grieve for his brother? Did he have the right?

The conversation continued on much as before. Connor sought answers and the rest provided cryptic answers. Connor would have none of it. He wanted complete answers.

Giovanni's attention was drawn back to Aria as she spoke and gave Connor the straight answer he was looking for. He was even more surprised when she began speaking of the Atharim and their goals. He hadn't expected that. She commented that she was letting Giovanni and Jensen go free and them left to attend to her laundry.

Jensen asked him a question - about their powers. Giovanni nodded in confirmation and spoke, "think about it...primitive man with no technology and a man can call fire from his fingertips or freezes moisture in the air at will. They were gods. People like us were gods to them. It does make sense doesn't it. Obviously these gods wreaked havoc. The Atharim prevent that from happening again."


Giovanni sat back and relaxed a bit. His conversation was longer than usual and it felt good to talk more about thiga he had kept hidden for so long.

He nodded in agreement to Jensen's statement about Connor's apology not being necessary...Damn the man really had been thrown into a mess.


Edited by Giovanni Cavelli, Apr 9 2014, 09:17 AM.

[Aria]

The emotional torrent coming from the room eased. It was still full of emotion, still a place Aria did not want to be. But it was the only way out of the door.

Aria picked herself up from the floor and straitened her clothes. Dropping the borrowed clothes in the washer and starting a new cycle. Aria wished the world was more like Dane, the calm he emitted made dealing with monsters so much easier. Sadly the world was not full of emotion free people, but full of the opposite.

When Aria walked into the room, Jensen was comforting Conner, who seemed slightly less ragged if not for the tear streaked face. A good cry seemed to help many. It rarely worked for Aria. Emotions hurt of any flavor, and half the time her own were the worst.

"Unless you have any immediately pressing, life threatening questions, I need to go home."
Aria did not hide the exhaustion in her voice, all Aria wanted to do was go home, and drown in the tub. She couldn't deal with anymore people and surely not anymore emotions.

Aria grabbed her weapons belt and worked it close and tighten the belt before grabbing her coat. She waited to make sure no one had any other questions. She looked at them expectantly.


Edited by Aria, Apr 9 2014, 12:46 PM.